• Mallory Porter

The Soulmates You Don't Marry


I’ve always believed that people have more than one soulmate in this world. Maybe even across time. Realistically, the odds of that not being true are slim.

Romantics, please don’t start sharpening your pitchforks to come at me quite yet. I think this opinion strengthens a relationship’s bond, and shows me and Zach every day how we are truly meant to spend the rest of our lives together.

But, I think it is a common misconception that soulmates are constrained to one person, or to solely the romantic partner you are meant to pledge until death do you part.

Google “soulmate”. It defines the term as, “…a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity.”

There is no mention of marriage, eternity or that “a person” can only be one person. Soulmates come in and out of our lives, both romantically until we find our epitome of the term in human form to share, “I do’s,” alongside, and as those random people we meet by circumstance with whom we immediately connect.

The latter soulmates are our friends.

My favorite thing about these soulmates is that they can be near or far, and it doesn’t matter. Distance doesn’t break the bond as easily as it can in a romantic relationship.

Time is irrelevant. These are the only soulmates who you can temporarily lose touch with for weeks, months, or years. Then when you come together again, the frames of the film between your last encounter and the present hit the cutting room floor. Your last hug, “goodbye” and current hug, “hello” are glued together like the span in between never happened.

Friends further prove to me that we all have multiple soulmates across different times, spectrums and sort. I am so thankful for this.

Obviously, friendship is important to us as humans as soon as we are intelligent enough to pick those random people to play Barbie or trucks with us. But, I’ve realized now in adulthood, my friends now are ones who have stuck around through some amazing times, but also some dark ones. They are friends I connect with on deeper levels than simply, “I have fun hanging out and doing stuff with you.” They are my lifelong friends.

I have friends I consider family outside of blood (who I can’t wait to spend time with, as is tradition, this Christmas!). I have friends who I hold in my heart almost as equally as my relationship. I may not experience life with them by my side every day, because that’s Zach’s role. But, my being needs them. We support, inspire and love each other in different, but equally necessary ways.

As we age, it becomes less our family’s duty to celebrate our life “wins”, and that support is shared by not only our life partner, but also our friend soulmates.

I love bragging about my friends’ accomplishments. I share their successes with the world because I am constantly inspired by their awesomeness. All of my friends are out chasing their aspirations fearlessly, and I feel so fortunate to even be a spec in the grand scheme of it.

“But, Mallory, why don’t you chase your own dreams?”

Check out my Instagram sometime, because I definitely am. And, I’m not afraid to shout my happiness (I love my life!). I find it important to give out gold stars to more than merely myself.

I am so proud of all my friends, and I find equal pleasure in watching their stories and reveries unfold through their talent and motivation, even if I have to cheer from afar. So, why wouldn’t I spread their beauty around like an overly excited parent for others to see?

I know when my friends show up for my events or celebrate my accomplishments with me, it almost means more than when my family does, because they are kind of required and my friends don’t have that pressure.

Lately, my friends have been moving, creating, directing films, putting together art exhibitions, spending their free time after the daily work grind chasing their passions no matter how tired, living in art studios, getting promoted, bettering their lives by beating their own compulsions, finding their soulmates, pushing themselves to excel in school, finding a perfect job, and so much more. It’s a pleasure to watch them grow.

I’ve found that while you often find true friends in your darkest times, sometimes your friend soulmates shine and show themselves in your brightest. And, not for their own personal gain, but by being present and proud to celebrate your ups. *Insert cheesy friend’s thumbs up from across the room*

When I do spend time with my friend soulmates, especially the ones who I don’t see as often, it seems impossible to me that the term, “Soulmate,” can only pertain to Zach. The connections I have with my friends were as immediate and as intense as my initial feelings for Zach. (“Did we just become best friends?!”).

Friendships grow like romantic partners, and friendships break-up similarly as well. The difference is, you can have more than one friend soulmate at a time without being frowned upon.

I know the friend soulmates in my life now are sticking around to walk alongside me in my life’s journey. I’m #blessed to be a little part in all of their lives. And, I cannot fully express my gratitude that they are such a big part of mine.

If you haven’t met your marriage soulmate yet, or if you recently ended a relationship with a soulmate who wasn’t meant to last, remember you still have soulmates right beside you. And, if you think you have found your forever love soulmate like I have, don’t ever let that hinder you from celebrating the beautiful friend soulmates who surround you. You may have more than one lasting soulmate of a varying form in this world, but all are equally as important.

#Lifestyle #CreativeNonFiction #NonFiction #Editorial

© 2020 Mallory Porter. All Rights Reserved.